One of the best chapter titles in all the annals of Chapterdom is Dr. Burns’s antidote to perfectionism “Dare To Be Average!” from the now-classic “Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy.” One of Dr. Burns’s many important contributions to CBT is teaching us to distinguish between what he calls “task perfection” and “self-perfection.” We may try very hard to achieve task perfection, and naturally be disappointed when if our performance fails to live up to our expectations. However, success or failure at a task does not make us a success or failure (or any other abstraction) as a person. In other words, our essence (whatever that is), our self is unaffected by our performance.
Possibly a more interesting questions for CBTers, is CBT good for “high-performance” individuals such as Olympic athletes? Can Olympic athletes succeed as well by transforming “I absolutely MUST win the gold” into “Although I STRONGLY prefer to win the gold, it is not the end of the world if I do not.”
However, short of Olympians, for the rest of us, the later is certainly a more rational, healthy and helpful way to approach performance and achievement.
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I have been noticing a lot of CBT-REBT and related apps on Android these days. I assume the same is true with iPhone apps. Some of these look quite interesting. Unfortunately, smart phone apps are not really my “thing” and I don’t have time to devote to yet another project. So . . . It would be really great if you guys could check out some of these apps and then write a brief review on the books/media section of the REBT Blog, here => http://bit.ly/1UWEB6w Thaks, lah!
One of the main over-arching intents of REBT Info is to provide a permanent, well-organized and cataloged archive of discussions and materials about CBT-REBT and related topics that is structured, categorized, searchable and always available to those who want to learn or want to share or need help. Facebook (et al) is great, but it is more like a “live” conversation. Almost immediately after something is posted, is is gone, and not so easily retrieved, just like a real F2F conversation.
So we hope that REBT Info will be useful not only for what is happening now, but for the historical record and reference “library” we are building. How well that succeeds will mostly be you to you guys, how much you engage, participate, contribute, ask questions and otherwise make use of this resources. To those of you who have been doing so along along, we are grateful. To those who have yet to jump in and actually participate, we extend a warm invitation.
Please, share your views of REBT-CBT and related Android and IPhone apps.
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Bull-oney! The logical extension of “not caring” about what others think as Uncle Lao Tzu suggests is Jeffrey Dhamers or any other sociopath you care to mention. Or someone far out on the autism spectrum. Human beans evolved as social animals where getting along with and being accepted by the group was essential to survival. In the past, survival meant literal life and death. In modern societies, at least in the West, it means an inability to survive socially. Some are capable of more independent living than others, but even the hermit in the cave need people to come along from time-to-time, point and declare “Oh, look at the hermit!”
Naturally, I prefer people to say “Good Rex! Good Rex!” give me a scratch behind the ears and a nice treat . . . rather than “Bad Rex! Bad Rex! Go to your box!!!” However, eventhough I greatly prefer the former rather than the later, it is NOT the end of the world if I don’t get it. The solution is (excuse the double negative) not “not caring.” The solution IS caring, but not so much that I allow it to run my life, and especially that I allow it to make me miserable. Dr. Ellis writes extensively about what he calls “The dire need for love and approval” as a major driver of misery and neurosis in society. Listen to him in his own words
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Albert Ellis on loss in “Optimal Aging” : “Loss is inevitable. Sadness, loneliness, even grief, and other healthful negative feelings are the minimum price we pay for caring.
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Disney is putting virtual reality on it’s new roller-coaster to enhance the experience. My gawd! Isn’t the reality of the roller coaster experience stimulation enough already???
Do you feel panicky or dull when you do not get your usual dose of stimulation? Me thinks we are all becoming just a little bit “faux-ADHD” in the modern, digital world.
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Do you believe that when you want something, you absolutely MUST have it . . . and that it is terrible when you don’t get what you must have?
Or do you believe that while it is highly preferable to get what you want, there is not reason why you absolutely MUST have it, and that if you don’t get it, it’s a bummer, but hardly the end of the world?
We advise NOT elevating your wants into needs, and to work very hard to deescalate your needs into healthy wants and preferences.
Guess which scenario REBT says is healthy and helpful.
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Everyone is familiar with the expression “Don’t take it personally!” Good advice in my opinion, but what does it mean and how can we actually achieve it? What do you think? Your opinion matters!
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