I have one granddaughter who is also undergoing a hard time. After the disputing of the MUSTS, SHALLS, HAVE TO¢‚¬„¢S through the main irrationalities of demanding, awfulizing, can¢‚¬„¢t-stand-it is, rating, and overgeneralizing using the on-line REBT self-help form at http://www.rebtnetwork.org/library/shf.html
This is what I came up for my granddaughter, you should do the same thing for your son and submit the answers to this discussion group as I did:
REBT Self-Help Form
|What is the situation that you are upset about?|
|granddaughter not doing well in school|
|What are the unhealthy negative emotions that you are experiencing?|
|What self-defeating behaviors would you like to change?|
|obsessively thinking about it|
|What demand are you making about the situation?|
|She should be doing better.|
|Where is the evidence she should be doing better?|
|We are all Forever Fallible F****-Up Human Beings (FFFHB). Although
I would like her to do better, and I can work on changing her, I do not have to have her be different.
|In what way are you awfulizing about the situation?|
|It would be awful if she were not able to improve her grades.|
|How does it help me if I spend my time awfulizing and imagining all the things that could and would go wrong.|
|It does not help me to worry and obsess about her.|
|What are you saying to yourself about the situation that indicates low frustration tolerance?|
|I can’t stand her attitude toward education.|
|How does it help me if I tell myself I can’t stand it?|
|Even if I don’t like it, I can surely stand it.|
|What beliefs show that you are rating people instead of rating their actions?|
|1) I am no good for not being able to help her.
2) She is no good for having a sh*tty attitude.
|1) how can my failure to help her make me a twerp?
2) Why should she be any different than she is?
|I am an FFFHB; She is and FFFHB. It only makes us humans not subhumans if we do not live up to my expectations.|
|How are you overgeneralizing about the situation?|
|She will never amount to anything. She is doomed.|
|As Mark Twain said “Life is full of misfortunes and catastrophes, most of them that never happen.” (or something like that: we invent problems. Where is the evidence that she will always be this way? Why is she doomed?|
|Maybe life would be easier on her if she did better, but I can only do so much to help her. I can accept that I do not know how life will treat her.|
|What are your new healthy negative emotions?|
|What are your new self-helping behaviors?|
See how I can help her without wrapping myself around the emotional axle.
|Then . . .|
you can go back and allocate some time to helping your son to do better in school. For example, I help my granddaughter with mathematics homework and try to instill in her the responsibility of scheduling her time.
|Warning: This form should not be considered a substitute for individualized treatment with a mental health professional. If you are seeing a counselor or a therapist, it is recommended that you print this page and discuss your responses with him or her.|
|The DIBS Form was designed by Will Ross in 2006
An interactive version of the form is available REBT Info, here
|Gunars K. Neiders, Ph.D.E.E., Psy.D., a licensed psychologist in the Washington State, providing coaching online to people who want help with stuttering, utilizing multidisciplinary approaches based on REBT-CBT and Stuttering Modification. Read full bio|
From Stuttering to Fluency: Manage Your Emotions and Live More Fully
Regular contributor to REBT info
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Originally posted 2014-07-13 22:38:13.
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