12 Lies We Tell Ourselves

Posted by Rex Alexander on Wed 10 Apr 24 in Ellis Four Irational Processes, ethics, Ten Cognitive Distortions, Uncategorized |

12 lies we tell ourselves
by Albert Ellis

1. I must have the love and approval of others i must avoid disapproval at all costs.

Click to see the other 11 . . . 


12 lies we tell ourselves
by Albert Ellis

1. I must have the love and approval of others i must avoid disapproval at all costs.

2. I must be perfect a success in all that i do. I must not make any mistakes.

3. People must always do the right thing. When they do not, they must be punished.

4. Things must be the way that i want them to be–otherwise life will be in tolerable.

5. My happiness/unhappiness is caused by external events. I have no control over my happiness/unhappiness.

6. I must worry about the things that might be dangerous, unpleasant or frightening, otherwise they might happen.

7. I will be happier if I can avoid life’s difficulties, unpleasantness or responsibilities.

8. I am weak and need to depend on those who are stronger than I am.

9. Events in the past have strongly influenced me–and they must continue to do so.

10. I must be upset when others have problems. I must become sad when others are unhappy.

11. I should not have to feel discomfort or pain. I must avoid them at all costs.

12. there is one right and perfect solution to any problem (usually mine). It is a tragedy when it is not found.



Although REBT-CBT (more so REBT, I think)  is often accused of being aloof and overly-intellectual, one of the tangible and “wet” benefits of practicing it philosophically and therapeutically is that it tends to push us to be more honest–emotionally and intellectually–with ourselves, and in doing so, be more honest with other people. Emotional and intellectual honesty encourages greater intimacy. Intimacy is good. Intimacy is authentic. Intimacy is healthy. So then, this is much more than an ethical consideration. When we (begin to) realize that much of the things we are telling ourselves and others is simply horseshit–false, semantically vacuous and unhelpful–then self-honesty and honesty with others becomes a much more appealing choice in its own right, rather than something we are motivated to do by guilt and morality.

This great little book represents an advanced course in understanding the nature of cognitive distortions.  




See, and you thought REBT-CBT was just for “egg heads.”  


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Originally posted 2019-08-24 18:16:34.

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