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Acceptance is the soft underbelly of REBT!

Posted by Rex Alexander on Sun 12 Apr 20 in Acceptance |
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Join the discussion. We  hearing from you!

 

 

About Acceptance . . . 
Megan Bruneau Psychotherapist & Executive Coach says

 The first time someone posed the idea of “acceptance” to me, I was chatting with my first therapist. We were discussing my relationship with my dad (cliche, I know), and she suggested I “accept” that I might never have with him the relationship I desired. I was appalled.

Excuse me? You’re my therapist. Aren’t you supposed to have the answers to how I can fix this? What a bogus profession. Therapy sucks!   Click to read Megan’s full article…

 


 

When you are done disputing 

A must not be  A

What are you left with?

You are left with simply 

A is A

or

Reality is reality

And that’s acceptance, baby!

 

 

 

It has come to my attention recently that some readers have reacted negatively to my metaphor and objected to my use of he word “soft” to refer to “acceptance.” My esteemed colleagues JvB and Simon say:

Soft underbelly my @$$! Acceptance of self, others, & life is one of the primary values of REBT.” ~JvB

 

 

Whoa! I didn’t expect that. However, let me clarify. I certainly did not intend to diminish the prominent and vital role of acceptance (or Acceptance with a capital A) in REBT.  Perhapos it will help if I use another metaphor, the ancient taoist concept of Yin and Yang.  But before that metaphor can be useful, it is necessary to have just a little background in what it means.  Here is a helpful video.

We don’t care to entertain any feminist debates about the use of “masculine” and “feminine” here.  Let me be clear that  by “masculine” and “feminine,” I am referring to the qualities  and characteristics that have traditionally been associated with masculine and feminine. I am not referring to men and women, nor to sex, nor to gender. I am talking qualities  and characteristics which are expressed in unique constellations in people regardless of sex and or gender. Keep in mind that these qualities are only “opposite” in the sense of being opposite in relation to one another. They are mutually interdependent. There is no judgment in the sense of good or bad about these qualities, they are mutually dependent, interdependent and inextricably a part of the same thing, the same whole in the same way that a magnet can only function as one thing, as a whole entity comprised of a positive and negative pole.

Here are some of those qualities

Yin  Yang 
soft hard
feminine masculine
passive active
accepting resisting
yielding thrusting
receiving giving
relaxing tensing
internal external
night day
Earth sky
listening speaking

 

This is a partial list. You will find many variations and approaches to the same idea on the internet. 

Traditional REBT disputing is an active, vigorous process of arguing, exploring, enquiring, challenging, asserting, manipulating concepts. 

Acceptance is a distinct process of seeing reality as it is, and  allowing reality to be reality. It is a process of not wanting things to be different than they are. It is a process of being open to and allowing experience whatever it is that one is experiencing rather than questioning, resisting or judging, struggling with, avoiding or trying to “fix”  experience. 

And so, as we said in the beginning:

 

When you are done disputing 

A must not be  A

What are you left with?

You are left with simply 

A is A

or

Reality is reality

And that’s acceptance, baby!

 

 

 

 


 

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Originally posted 2017-07-27 03:53:30.

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