It is always a privilege to hear from Dr. Gunars Neiders. Here is his response from the REBT-CBT Forum Yahoogroup to a member struggling with what Dr. Ellis coined as a “Dire need for love and approval.”
If you were my client with an impish smile I would tell you that your problem, the same as most of other people’s is having been born in the wrong universe. In the universe I would like to have been born I would like to have at least my major demands being agreed by the Ruling Council of the Universe, who would then pass it to the Implementers to carry it out.
I would then be able to concentrate on pleasing and impressing other people and live in my Reality TV like bubble where I would not only be accepted by everyone who I met, but also admired by my acquaintances and even those people who do not know I exist. Lol
Four Tops – “Baby I
With a stroke of a pen or a series of therapy steps that sometimes would resemble the self-flagellation of early Christians, I would next take away my stuttering and even the fact that I ever stuttered. My Internet acquaintance has a problem of panic attacks and consequent profuse sweating. I would also eliminate that in one fell swoop. (But not before I would have time to teach him to really subscribe not to sweat the small shit or the profuse sweating).
After establishing a good rapport with a client I say in mischievous way “So you think you have an unbearable family? (Pause.)(Smiling.) So why don’t you rebirth yourself in a better one! (Pause.) Fat chance.”
Then I continue “REBT is a stoic philosophy. You have no choice but accepting the snapshot of who you are in the moment. Then Have the courage to change what you can, Serenity to accept what you cannot change, and Experience to tell the difference.”
Stay tuned for the next installment “Now that I am in this universe that obviously does not give a rat’s ass about my feelings, how can I squeeze enjoyment out of it?”
2,212 total views, 1 views today
How useful was this post?
Click on a star to rate it!
Average rating 5 / 5. Vote count: 5
No votes so far! Be the first to rate this post.
Originally posted 2017-08-10 23:12:37.
- Dr. Gunars shares how he deals with anxiety about granddaughter not doing well in school - Sun 7 Feb 21
- More internet addiction / Time Management - Tue 3 Nov 20
- Dire need for love and approval. . . - Mon 18 May 20
Search this site
Quotes That MatterAim for success, not perfection. Never give up your right to be wrong, because then you will lose the ability to learn new things and move forward with your life. Remember that fear always lurks behind perfectionism. Confronting your fears and allowing yourself the right to be human can, paradoxically, make yourself a happier and more productive person.David D. Burns
CBT pioneer and popularizer. Author "Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy"
… (next quote)
Regular Columns & Features
Amazon Associate Member
Rex Alexander and REBT Info are participants in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon.com.
When you buy items using the links on this website, we may get a small commission which keeps me in coffee, which keeps me working, which keeps me providing valuable content for you. Thank you for your continuing support of REBT Info.com. ~Rex
TOS / Terms of Service
Pretty basic stuff: No fussing, no fighting, no cussing, no spamming, no scamming, no blaming, no flaming, no hating, no bating, no trolling, no personal attacks. No pornography (Damn!). The Golden Rule applies. Focus on issues, ideas and principles rather than on personalities and you will fit right in. Please keep your contributions friendly and polite, treat your fellow members and readers with respect and all will be well.
All content and information submitted become the property of REBT Info (REBTinfo.com)
We at REBT Info value your privacy. Your personal information is secure with us. Secure server software (SSL) encrypts all information you enter before it is sent to us, and all of the customer data we collect is protected against unauthorized access.
We WILL NOT sell, rent, distribute or otherwise share your personal information, including e-mail address, to or with anyone for any reason (except in the extremely rare, unlikely case of demands by duly authorized law enforcement acting strictly in accord with due process).
For more information, please read the long version
Copyright © 2012-2021 by Rex Alexander dba REBT Info / http://REBTinfo.com.
All rights reserved. The content of this website or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever
without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.
This website, REBTinfo.com, and others under the REBT Info family are for education, information and entertainment purposes only; are not intended as, nor should be regarded as medical or psychiatric diagnosis, advice or treatment.
By accessing this blog you understand and agree to these conditions, as well as to the other Terms of Service / TOS posted, and which may be updated and amended from time-to-time.
By accessing this website blog and related media, you affirm that you have read, understand and agree to our Terms of Service / TOS which may be updated and amended from time-to-time.
This is a public blog
Anything you post may be viewed by the public. Therefore, do not post anything you wish to remain private.