Dr. Gunars shares how he deals with anxiety about granddaughter not doing well in school
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| Author of From Stuttering to Fluency: Manage Your Emotions and Live More Fully Regular contributor to REBT info neidersg@comcast.net https://www.stutteringrecovery.net/ |
I have one granddaughter who is also undergoing a hard time. After the disputing of the MUSTS, SHALLS, HAVE TO¢‚¬„¢S through the main irrationalities of demanding, awfulizing, can¢‚¬„¢t-stand-it is, rating, and overgeneralizing using the on-line REBT self-help form at http://www.rebtnetwork.org/library/shf.html
This is what I came up for my granddaughter, you should do the same thing for your son and submit the answers to this discussion group as I did:
REBT Self-Help Form
| What is the situation that you are upset about? |
| granddaughter not doing well in school |
| What are the unhealthy negative emotions that you are experiencing? |
| anxiety |
| What self-defeating behaviors would you like to change? |
| obsessively thinking about it |
| What demand are you making about the situation? |
| She should be doing better. |
| Dispute |
| Where is the evidence she should be doing better? |
| Rational Belief |
| We are all Forever Fallible F****-Up Human Beings (FFFHB). Although I would like her to do better, and I can work on changing her, I do not have to have her be different. |
| In what way are you awfulizing about the situation? |
| It would be awful if she were not able to improve her grades. |
| Dispute |
| How does it help me if I spend my time awfulizing and imagining all the things that could and would go wrong. |
| Rational Belief |
| It does not help me to worry and obsess about her. |
| What are you saying to yourself about the situation that indicates low frustration tolerance? |
| I can’t stand her attitude toward education. |
| Dispute |
| How does it help me if I tell myself I can’t stand it? |
| Rational Belief |
| Even if I don’t like it, I can surely stand it. |
| What beliefs show that you are rating people instead of rating their actions? |
| 1) I am no good for not being able to help her. 2) She is no good for having a sh*tty attitude. |
| Dispute |
| 1) how can my failure to help her make me a twerp? 2) Why should she be any different than she is? |
| Rational Belief |
| I am an FFFHB; She is and FFFHB. It only makes us humans not subhumans if we do not live up to my expectations. |
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| How are you overgeneralizing about the situation? |
| She will never amount to anything. She is doomed. |
| Dispute |
| As Mark Twain said “Life is full of misfortunes and catastrophes, most of them that never happen.” (or something like that: we invent problems. Where is the evidence that she will always be this way? Why is she doomed? |
| Rational Belief |
| Maybe life would be easier on her if she did better, but I can only do so much to help her. I can accept that I do not know how life will treat her. |
| What are your new healthy negative emotions? |
| Concern |
| What are your new self-helping behaviors? |
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See how I can help her without wrapping myself around the emotional axle. |
| Then . . . |
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you can go back and allocate some time to helping your son to do better in school. For example, I help my granddaughter with mathematics homework and try to instill in her the responsibility of scheduling her time. |
| Warning: This form should not be considered a substitute for individualized treatment with a mental health professional. If you are seeing a counselor or a therapist, it is recommended that you print this page and discuss your responses with him or her. |
| The DIBS Form was designed by Will Ross in 2006 http://www.rebtnetwork.org An interactive version of the form is available REBT Info, here |
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Originally posted 2014-07-13 22:38:13.
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