I have one granddaughter who is also undergoing a hard time. After the disputing of the MUSTS, SHALLS, HAVE TO¢‚¬„¢S through the main irrationalities of demanding, awfulizing, can¢‚¬„¢t-stand-it is, rating, and overgeneralizing using the on-line REBT self-help form at http://www.rebtnetwork.org/library/shf.html
This is what I came up for my granddaughter, you should do the same thing for your son and submit the answers to this discussion group as I did:
REBT Self-Help Form
|What is the situation that you are upset about?|
|granddaughter not doing well in school|
|What are the unhealthy negative emotions that you are experiencing?|
|What self-defeating behaviors would you like to change?|
|obsessively thinking about it|
|What demand are you making about the situation?|
|She should be doing better.|
|Where is the evidence she should be doing better?|
|We are all Forever Fallible F****-Up Human Beings (FFFHB). Although
I would like her to do better, and I can work on changing her, I do not have to have her be different.
|In what way are you awfulizing about the situation?|
|It would be awful if she were not able to improve her grades.|
|How does it help me if I spend my time awfulizing and imagining all the things that could and would go wrong.|
|It does not help me to worry and obsess about her.|
|What are you saying to yourself about the situation that indicates low frustration tolerance?|
|I can’t stand her attitude toward education.|
|How does it help me if I tell myself I can’t stand it?|
|Even if I don’t like it, I can surely stand it.|
|What beliefs show that you are rating people instead of rating their actions?|
|1) I am no good for not being able to help her.
2) She is no good for having a sh*tty attitude.
|1) how can my failure to help her make me a twerp?
2) Why should she be any different than she is?
|I am an FFFHB; She is and FFFHB. It only makes us humans not subhumans if we do not live up to my expectations.|
|How are you overgeneralizing about the situation?|
|She will never amount to anything. She is doomed.|
|As Mark Twain said “Life is full of misfortunes and catastrophes, most of them that never happen.” (or something like that: we invent problems. Where is the evidence that she will always be this way? Why is she doomed?|
|Maybe life would be easier on her if she did better, but I can only do so much to help her. I can accept that I do not know how life will treat her.|
|What are your new healthy negative emotions?|
|What are your new self-helping behaviors?|
See how I can help her without wrapping myself around the emotional axle.
|Then . . .|
you can go back and allocate some time to helping your son to do better in school. For example, I help my granddaughter with mathematics homework and try to instill in her the responsibility of scheduling her time.
|Warning: This form should not be considered a substitute for individualized treatment with a mental health professional. If you are seeing a counselor or a therapist, it is recommended that you print this page and discuss your responses with him or her.|
|The DIBS Form was designed by Will Ross in 2006
An interactive version of the form is available REBT Info, here
|Gunars K. Neiders, Ph.D.E.E., Psy.D., a licensed psychologist in the Washington State, providing coaching online to people who want help with stuttering, utilizing multidisciplinary approaches based on REBT-CBT and Stuttering Modification. Read full bio|
From Stuttering to Fluency: Manage Your Emotions and Live More Fully
Regular contributor to REBT info
PLEASE ADD YOUR COMMENTS, QUESTIONS,
OPINIONS IN THE BOX BELOW. WE LOVE
HEARING FROM YOU!
1,081 total views, 1 views today
Rex Alexander-REBT Info. All rights reserved.
How useful was this post?
Click on a star to rate it!
Average rating / 5. Vote count:
As you found this post useful...
Follow us on social media!
We are sorry that this post was not useful for you!
Let us improve this post!
Thanks for your feedback!
Originally posted 2014-07-13 22:38:13.
Search this site
Quotes That MatterAcceptance is the soft underbelly of REBTRex Alexander
REBTraining coach, author, founder REBTinfo.com
… (next quote)
Regular Columns & Features
Amazon Associate Member
Rex Alexander and REBT Info are participants in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon.com.
When you buy items using the links on this website, we may get a small commission which keeps me in coffee, which keeps me working, which keeps me providing valuable content for you. Thank you for your continuing support of REBT Info.com. ~Rex
TOS / Terms of Service
Pretty basic stuff: No fussing, no fighting, no cussing, no spamming, no scamming, no blaming, no flaming, no hating, no bating, no trolling, no personal attacks. No pornography (Damn!). The Golden Rule applies. Focus on issues, ideas and principles rather than on personalities and you will fit right in. Please keep your contributions friendly and polite, treat your fellow members and readers with respect and all will be well.
All content and information submitted become the property of REBT Info (REBTinfo.com)
We at REBT Info value your privacy. Your personal information is secure with us. Secure server software (SSL) encrypts all information you enter before it is sent to us, and all of the customer data we collect is protected against unauthorized access.
We WILL NOT sell, rent, distribute or otherwise share your personal information, including e-mail address, to or with anyone for any reason (except in the extremely rare, unlikely case of demands by duly authorized law enforcement acting strictly in accord with due process).
For more information, please read the long version
Copyright © 2012-2019 by Rex Alexander dba REBT Info / http://REBTinfo.com.
All rights reserved. The content of this website or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever
without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.
This website, REBTinfo.com, and others under the REBT Info family are for education, information and entertainment purposes only; are not intended as, nor should be regarded as medical or psychiatric diagnosis, advice or treatment.
By accessing this blog you understand and agree to these conditions, as well as to the other Terms of Service / TOS posted, and which may be updated and amended from time-to-time.
By accessing this website blog and related media, you affirm that you have read, understand and agree to our Terms of Service / TOS which may be updated and amended from time-to-time.
This is a public blog
Anything you post may be viewed by the public. Therefore, do not post anything you wish to remain private.