|Did you know that “I don’t care” and “It doesn’t matter” can be disguised cognitive distortions?|
Mitzi Gayner in a scene reminiscent Busby Berkeley number, from the 1953 20th Century Fox “The I don’t care Girl”
Did you know that “I don’t care” and “It doesn’t matter” can be disguised cognitive distortions?
Sure, sometimes we really don’t care and some things really don’t matter. However, what we are discussing here are the times when we use these phrases as a kind of affirmation or verbal talisman in an effort to cope with unpleasant events or to banish unpleasant feelings. Contrary to what some people believe, REBT does not try to encourage people to respond to difficult events and feelings with a flat emotional affect. The goal of REBT is not to strive to become like Star Trek’s Mr. Spock; emotionally aloof and super-logical in our reaction to life. No matter how much we might love and admire the many fine qualities of the Spock character, he remains deeply flawed.
It is not whether something unpleasant matters or not. It is not whether we care or not. It is how much does it matter, how much do we care? Like all things, matter and caring exist on a spectrum with not caring ranging from zero on the left end, to some very deep, enduring sense of caring or significance on the far end. However, absolute zero probably doesn’t exist except for those things were are totally unaware of. In deep anesthesia, we don’t care that doctors are cracking open our chest, removing our heart and replacing it with a shiny new one! At least, we probably don’t care at the moment, but undoubtedly cared a great deal before surgery, and will care deeply when we emerge from the anesthesia and in the days and weeks following. So me thinks that to be conscious is to care and to see (some)things as more or less significant (mattering) as compared to some other things.
Burglars don’t care about the opinion of the people the steal from or about the opinion of the civil society in which they live. Perhaps they are desperate and have overridden their natural inhibitions in order to attend to some desperate circumstances. Or, perhaps, the are sociopaths and simply don’t give a damn. In any event, such detachment and aloofness is not something to strive for, is it?
The middle way is simple to acknowledge that we do care about what others think, and we do think what happens matters . . . but not to the extend of disturbing ourselves about it.
So, how do we do that? Well, studying REBT is a great way to accomplish it.
However, you can start today, right now. The next time some unpleasant emotion or event happens and you notice yourself trying to bat it away with the talisman “I con’t care!” or “It doesn’t matter,” replace that distorted thought something “cooler,” more rational and helpful such as
“This is a bummer . . . but it is not the end of the world! And even though I would strongly prefer that it not be happening, there is nothing that says it mustn’t be happening.”
As you practice, you will find that you can allow yourself to care . . . but not too much, not to the extent of upsetting and derailing yourself. And you won’t need to try to deny reality in order to get there!
What a deal!
2,110 total views, 1 views today
How useful was this post?
Click on a star to rate it!
Average rating 4.3 / 5. Vote count: 3
No votes so far! Be the first to rate this post.
Originally posted 2017-10-23 06:19:00.
Search this site
Quotes That MatterI've had a lot of worries in my life, most of which never happened.Mark Twain
American author and humorist
… (next quote)
Regular Columns & Features
Amazon Associate Member
Rex Alexander and REBT Info are participants in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon.com.
When you buy items using the links on this website, we may get a small commission which keeps me in coffee, which keeps me working, which keeps me providing valuable content for you. Thank you for your continuing support of REBT Info.com. ~Rex
TOS / Terms of Service
Pretty basic stuff: No fussing, no fighting, no cussing, no spamming, no scamming, no blaming, no flaming, no hating, no bating, no trolling, no personal attacks. No pornography (Damn!). The Golden Rule applies. Focus on issues, ideas and principles rather than on personalities and you will fit right in. Please keep your contributions friendly and polite, treat your fellow members and readers with respect and all will be well.
All content and information submitted become the property of REBT Info (REBTinfo.com)
We at REBT Info value your privacy. Your personal information is secure with us. Secure server software (SSL) encrypts all information you enter before it is sent to us, and all of the customer data we collect is protected against unauthorized access.
We WILL NOT sell, rent, distribute or otherwise share your personal information, including e-mail address, to or with anyone for any reason (except in the extremely rare, unlikely case of demands by duly authorized law enforcement acting strictly in accord with due process).
For more information, please read the long version
Copyright © 2012-2022 by Rex Alexander dba REBT Info / http://REBTinfo.com.
All rights reserved. The content of this website or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever
without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.
This website, REBTinfo.com, and others under the REBT Info family are for education, information and entertainment purposes only; are not intended as, nor should be regarded as medical or psychiatric diagnosis, advice or treatment.
By accessing this blog you understand and agree to these conditions, as well as to the other Terms of Service / TOS posted, and which may be updated and amended from time-to-time.
By accessing this website blog and related media, you affirm that you have read, understand and agree to our Terms of Service / TOS which may be updated and amended from time-to-time.
This is a public blog
Anything you post may be viewed by the public. Therefore, do not post anything you wish to remain private.