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You don’t get to judge me! (or do you?)

You don’t get to judge me!”

 

This fascinating video is MUCH more interesting viewed in light of REBT and E-Prime than in light of the politics or the personalities involved. Why is this an IMPORTANT REBT lesson? How many irrational beliefs and distorted thoughts can you identify in this video? Hint: There are about a bzillion!  Lots of inappropriate name=calling, labeling and globalizing.  hat do you think Mr. Weiner means when he says, “You don’t get to judge me!” ? 

Please add your ideas or ask a question in the form at the bottom.

 My sense of the problem and the breakdown of communication here involves a failure to distinguish “self” from “behavior” and the erroneous belief that to criticize behavior is that same thing as damning someone’s self, essence or personhood. 

In the first place, in terms of behavior, we all have opinions about behaviors, we all make judgments, and whether or not we “get to” judge someone’s behavior is irrelevant because it would be virtually impossible to avoid doing so. Now, hopefully my judgments and yours will be

  • about a specific behavior,
  • compassionate,
  • fair,
  • measured,
  • rational and
  • rare

But to demand that you or I mustn’t make them is naive and uninformed. 

On the other hand, to condemn the entirety of a person based upon a single act is not only cruel but is bogus,  a null concept, has no logical basis in reality.  To call someone a failure means that the person has failed 100% of the time, always fails, always will fail, and fail at all things.  These global labels, aside from being harsh and cruel, are simply not functional concepts. They become ridiculous even a little reflection.  Here is the news flash: From the standpoint of REBT, General Semantics and E-Prime, there simply is not such thing as a failure or dope or asshole or racist or any of the other names we destructively call ourselves and call each other.

  • Bullwinkle got the answer wrong, so Bullwinkle is a dope.
  • Johnny failed the test, so Johnny is a failure.
  • Mary said something inconsiderate, so Mary is a bitch.
  • Larry broke his promise, so Larry is a asshole.
  • Lois make said something politically incorrect, so Lois is a racist.


You get the idea. Such weaponized, toxic communication is responsible for much human misery, emotional inflammation, communication breakdown and relationship failures. It is all the more tragic because it is usually unconscious and clueless. Nonetheless, the effect is unmistakable. It evokes and provokes shame. Shame is the emotion we feel when we tell ourselves that (by any other name) we are A BAD PERSON.  

The REBT solution to this is and has always been Unconditional Self-acceptance USA, Unconditional Other Acceptance (UOA) and Unconditional Life Acceptance (ULA). Judge behavior (if you must), but leave your dear, sweet self alone, accept yourself and others just because you exist.

 

 

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Originally posted 2013-09-08 20:05:28.

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