I need you too much already, lah! :o{

Posted by Rex Alexander on Fri 26 Jul 19 in Demanding, Dire need for love & approval, Needs vs. Preferences, Uncategorized |

I need you too much already, lah! 

Well, that is they way we might say it in Thailand or other Southeast Asian countries.  But in spite of the charming local syntax, I reckon that the irrational belief that drives this sentiment is very nearly universal.  Taken to the the extreme, and combined in a cocktail of other irrational beliefs, it leads to homicide, suicide and other unfortunate and destructive behavior.

Four Tops – “Baby I Need Your Loving” (1966)

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It is true  REBT-CBT regards the issue of necessity and needs very differently than the mainstream. In fact, other than very basic physical need for food and shelter and proper nurturing as an infant (Note, I said specifically infant as compared to other stages in life) REBT-CBT regards needs as a kind of irrational belief, as a demand which is out of proportion to real life and real relationships which in the extreme is very nearly “psychotic,” using that term loosely of course.  This annoys newbies to no end!  It seems counter-intuitive and contrary to common.sense. 

Why do you think REBT-CBT is so concerned with this distinction?  What is the problem with needs anyway? Don’t we all need love and happiness?  Tangentially, don’t we all deserve them?  Why does REBT-CBT teach that preferences are more helpful and “saner” than needs? How do we tell the difference?  Most important, if we accept that we want to operate less  from the “Needs System” and more from the “Preferences System,”  how do we accomplish that?





Khon Kaen, Thailand


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Originally posted 2013-08-01 18:17:04.

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Rex Alexander

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Rex is a blogger, REBT coach and founder of the REBTraining.com / REBTinfo.com website, admin and regular contributor to the REBTraining Facebook Group

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