I need you too much already, lah! :o{

Posted by Rex Alexander on Fri 10 May 24 in Demanding, Dire need for love & approval, Needs vs. Preferences, Uncategorized |

 I need you too much already, lah! 

Four Tops – “Baby I Need Your Loving” (1966)

Related image


I need you too much already, lah! 

Well, that is they way we might say it in Thailand or other Southeast Asian countries.  But in spite of the charming local syntax, I reckon that the irrational belief that drives this sentiment is very nearly universal.  Taken to the the extreme, and combined in a cocktail of other irrational beliefs, it leads to homicide, suicide and other unfortunate and



It is true  REBT-CBT regards the issue of necessity and needs very differently than the mainstream. In fact, other than very basic physical need for food and shelter and proper nurturing as an infant (Note, I said specifically infant as compared to other stages in life) REBT-CBT regards needs as a kind of irrational belief, as a demand which is out of proportion to real life and real relationships which in the extreme is very nearly “psychotic,” using that term loosely of course.  This annoys newbies to no end!  It seems counter-intuitive and contrary to common.sense. 

Why do you think REBT-CBT is so concerned with this distinction?  What is the problem with needs anyway? Don’t we all need love and happiness?  Tangentially, don’t we all deserve them?  Why does REBT-CBT teach that preferences are more helpful and “saner” than needs? How do we tell the difference?  Most important, if we accept that we want to operate less  from the “Needs System” and more from the “Preferences System,”  how do we accomplish that?


Four Tops – “Baby I Need Your Loving” (1966) 



How to Stubbornly Refuse to Make Yourself Miserable… by Albert Ellis




Tue 21 Jan 2020, 6:43 pm 

This subject never fails to provoke controversy.  However, I think I can help solve it, however inelegantly. I recommend that people strive to operate primarily in the zone of preferences rather than needs, and limit the concept of need to those things where actual survival is dependent, such as the need for food, water, air, shelter.  However, some people find that extremely challenging and off putting.  This controversy  blocks an intelligent discussion of this important topic. Perhaps it would help if I introduce the idea of two different types of needs: 

(1) Needs which are demands and
(2) Needs which are not demands.

So, then we can say, OK, you can keep your needs (if you must, hehehehe…) However, stubbornly and courageously differentiate between when your “needs” are demands and when they are strong (possibly very strong) preferences.  

Then you can honestly and courageously declare: “Although I need this thing, there is no reason why I absolutely must have it!

That will liberate you to go about doing what you can do, can achieve, can have, rather than depressing or enraging yourself over what you can’t.



Khon Kaen, Thailand




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Originally posted 2013-08-01 18:17:04.

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