Three Minute Refutations (TMR) involve a powerful exercise for changing your addictive thinking.
While the Three Minute Exercise (Three Minute Therapy, see pp. 9,18, 32, 40, 46, 55, 64, and more) helps you dispute your demands–your “musts” and “shoulds”–Three Minute Refutations targets your rationalizations or excuses, which arise from your demands. (Also available at ThreeMinuteTherapy.com.)
For example, if you have a quit date and find it uncomfortable to follow through, you may tell yourself you “must” avoid that discomfort and smoke anyway. Or if you have the urge to light up when smoking is prohibited on the premises, you may think you “must” satisfy this urge and step outside. These “musts” lead to self-defeating behaviors. The Three Minute Exercise (TME) is ideal for targeting the “musts.”
However, your “musts” may encourage you to make excuses for not quitting on the appointed date or not abstaining from a cigarette during work hours, excuses such as, “I have much stress today, I’ll quit tomorrow” or “I’ll have only one drag, then I’ll stop.”
Irrational Belief: “I absolutely MUST satisfy my urge for a smoke right now. I can’t stand feeling frustrated.”
Excuse or Rationalization: “I’ll have one last cigarette, then I’ll quit.
This is where TMRs comes in. They target these excuses and rationalizations. Along with the TMEs, it mounts a two-pronged attack on your smoking addiction. The TMEs target your demands, while the TMRs target your excuses.
TMRs also prove effective for other behavioral difficulties including procrastination, and alcohol, drug, and food addictions. They consist of two elements: excuses and refuting the excuses. Let’s begin with excuses.
Excuses are statements we make to ourselves which make procrastinating, overeating, overdrinking, or smoking seem reasonable, when in reality they’re destructive because they block, interfere with, or sabotage your long-term goals.
Here’s an example of a completed TMR:
Excuse: “It’s ok to smoke right now because it’ll be the last time.”
Refutations: 1. I’ve used this excuse hundreds of times. It hasn’t worked before and it won’t work now. It always has led to the next time.
- This “last time” could mean losing my job and ruining marriage.
- How many days is this one last time going to last?
- I don’t HAVE TO indulge this “last time.”
- This “last time” could destroy my relationship.
- I’m lying to myself, pure and simple.
- I can change this statement to: “No more times!” or Quit smoking right now for good!
- I’ll be better off now, better off tomorrow, and better off for the rest of my life with: “No more nicotine™
- Since I choose to smoke, or I can choose not to smoke.
- If I choose not to smoke, the discomfort I’ll feel will be temporary, not forever.
- Write and read these refutations five times a day until you’ve memorized them. Then write them from memory five times daily.
- Whenever you have the urge to light up, identify the thoughts that make smoking seem reasonable. Then refute these excuses.
- If the excuses seem to be gaining the upper hand, externalize the debate by writing down the dialogue or saying it out loud.
- Practice, practice, practice.
|Have you read any of these books? Please add a review or comment or question in the form at the bottom.
We LOVE hearing from you!. Thanks!
How useful was this post?
Click on a star to rate it!
Average rating 5 / 5. Vote count: 3
No votes so far! Be the first to rate this post.
Originally posted 2017-07-31 00:00:19.
Call for for more information or to make an appointment 1-415-673-2848
Search this site
Regular Columns & Features
Amazon Associate Member
Rex Alexander and REBT Info are participants in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon.com.
When you buy items using the links on this website, we may get a small commission which keeps me in coffee, which keeps me working, which keeps me providing valuable content for you. Thank you for your continuing support of REBT Info.com. ~Rex
TOS / Terms of Service
Pretty basic stuff: No fussing, no fighting, no cussing, no spamming, no scamming, no blaming, no flaming, no hating, no bating, no trolling, no personal attacks. No pornography (Damn!). The Golden Rule applies. Focus on issues, ideas and principles rather than on personalities and you will fit right in. Please keep your contributions friendly and polite, treat your fellow members and readers with respect and all will be well.
All content and information submitted become the property of REBT Info (REBTinfo.com)
We at REBT Info value your privacy. Your personal information is secure with us. Secure server software (SSL) encrypts all information you enter before it is sent to us, and all of the customer data we collect is protected against unauthorized access.
We WILL NOT sell, rent, distribute or otherwise share your personal information, including e-mail address, to or with anyone for any reason (except in the extremely rare, unlikely case of demands by duly authorized law enforcement acting strictly in accord with due process).
For more information, please read the long version
Copyright © 2012-2024 by Rex Alexander dba REBT Info / http://REBTinfo.com.
All rights reserved. The content of this website or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever
without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.
This website, REBTinfo.com, and others under the REBT Info family are for education, information and entertainment purposes only; are not intended as, nor should be regarded as medical or psychiatric diagnosis, advice or treatment.
By accessing this blog you understand and agree to these conditions, as well as to the other Terms of Service / TOS posted, and which may be updated and amended from time-to-time.
By accessing this website blog and related media, you affirm that you have read, understand and agree to our Terms of Service / TOS which may be updated and amended from time-to-time.
This is a public blog
Anything you post may be viewed by the public. Therefore, do not post anything you wish to remain private.